Relationship Insights and Reflections – Part 2

You have already read people’s views and comments on this subject in Relationship Insights and Reflections – part 1.

The post received quite a few interesting comments from the readers. My views are no different. But since I have the whole post space to myself I have the freedom to elaborate on my point of view citing few examples ofcourse! 🙂

In addition to what Avinash and Pradeep had to say, what I think is that in our youth we search for that right one who would understand our pulse than no one can. When that person comes our way we feel our search is over or that we might not find any one better (as the case may be!). In the initial excitement of what can be called love one forgets or rather ignores the not so happy aspects of their partners. We feel those things would go away somehow for that is the phase where you lay lot of importance to the word love and understanding which makes you full of hope. (so speak up when you have a chance…later your partner might not understand what the fuss is all about)

Few might argue that, that’s the way it should be – accentuate the positives forget the negatives. And that if you really love your spouse / partner you will accept all vices along with the positives etc etc and, guess what?.. I do agree! My argument would still be that if “some of the vices” are bothering your partner, and is being communicated to you more often than not; then you definitely need to look into it. When you start feeling your opinions and feelings are not valued, impression you get is may be your partner doesn’t care enough. (show you care)

Another option few take up is by completely ignoring such issues that might lead to disagreements and disharmony. They are hesitant to speak to their own partners about the challenges for they feel that their partner might get offended. But whom are we fooling here? I agree with Raj when he says that you should not take you spouse for granted. Give a patient hearing and resolve issues. If you have a better suggestion, give or else make peace with what is being suggested to you. (communicate, be a good listener and find a mutually satisfactory solution)

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.  – Dinah Shore

I feel that the potential problems between couples need to be openly communicated and not stifled. That is the only way things would work. The risk you run by stifling your emotion and feelings is moving slowly towards irreconcilable differences where you fail to see eye to eye. And that’s the end of it. And more than anything its respect towards your partner, than love that starts fading. (important to earn your partner’s respect year after year)

I used to be surprised looking at this couple (both of them head strong) who supposedly had a love marriage but hardly had any matter or subject where they had agreement on. And funnily (or unfortunately) they made disharmony the way of their life. Well, whatever works for them!

For me what is important is sharing, caring and open communication. Make your partner feel special and important enough for you to open your heart out. Don’t make you partner feel left alone. Those were the cheerful thoughts one generally has earlier on and it doesn’t have to change with times. (stop being indifferent)

Stop reading your partner’s mobile messages in their absence! Give enough breathing space to each other. I know of someone who doesn’t “allow” his wife to have her own circle of friends let alone friends of opposite gender and a guy who keep deleting messages from his friends of opposite sex for his wife is ever suspicious!! (trust your partner…have faith)

Many a couple find it more comfortable to talk to their friends about their marital challenges than their own partner and if infidelity follows you can’t feign surprise. Sadly that only happens when the partner is less receptive and just doesn’t want to change. Breaking a relationship is far easier than nurturing one. The question is if one is up for the challenge. Relationship is troubled only if either of the partners refuses to reach a mutually satisfactory solution and stick to ‘my way or the high way attitude’.  (again…communicate, be a good listener and find a mutually satisfactory solution)

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

Marriage is a two way street. Today most of the partners don’t have patience to stick to any unacceptable behavior like in older times. You don’t have to look far. If we look at our parent’s generation we will find enough and more examples of sacrifices and forever forgiving attitude. I had a friend once commenting jovially about his parents that “if divorce was an option my parents would have been divorced 100 times!”

If you look at it subjectively even that wasn’t a very perfect arrangement either. Healthy relation is where you help grow each other, nurture, and care enough for each other.

Varsha made a valid point that – wouldn’t things be simpler if we were, ourselves be able to abide by all ‘self help advice’? Well, me thinks that’s the only way to go! The day you let ego in between the two of you, life is doomed. You do things for each other not because you have to but you want to!

The reasons for a troubled relationship might vary but the solution is just one….own up to your mistakes, be open to learn, forgive and be open to change for a better future together – in other words commit yourself to the relation with full heart.

I completely with Anjana that “A healthy relationship, be it a marriage or any other, is based on the building blocks of love, respect and trust and even if any one of the 3 factors is missing ,the relationship will not be a balanced one.”

It’s just been 2.4 years since my husband and I got together, and life couldn’t have been more beautiful. Well, we do have our share of disagreements and arguments, but we are learning and working towards my dream which is – me silver haired and him probably with no hair and set of denture (hehe :D) sitting in our dream home somewhere on the hills very much in love talking of our fun filled journey and enriched lives. Amen:) !